so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
