If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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