Sacagawea was the original milf.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
