i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dicks are not precious.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
