About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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