dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
