My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
