My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
