He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
