before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
