If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
