we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
