the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
