Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
