she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
