Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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