just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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