Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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