you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
