whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
