Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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