there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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