I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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