For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
