New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
