Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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