I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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