I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
