her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
