Sry I called you an 8
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
