is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
