My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
