Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
