Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
