pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
