Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
