next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
