I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i already hear my dad disowning me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
