He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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