She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
did i just pee glitter
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
