I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
