You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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