Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
