omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
