Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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