Who wears a wallet chain?!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
