Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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