guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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