you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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