I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
