i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
