All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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