well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
