how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
