a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
