Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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