Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
