Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
