did you get engaged???
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
