i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
