I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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