it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
