whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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