i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
