My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
