All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
